And I’m back!
In my last blog, I wrote about why your weight is bullshit. What I really hope you took away from that, is that your worth CANNOT be measured by a number on the scale or what you see in the mirror. End of story.
But it’s obviously easier said than done. A lot of the self-worth disconnects I work on shifting with my clients are related to their appearance and the root is deep. I know this first hand because I was there myself.
I became a mentality coach, because I know what it’s like to battle with your weight, stuck in a seemingly never-ending cycle of body-shaming and feeling like nothing. Realizing my worth helped me get unstuck, and once I connected to that, I never looked back.
Now, I’ve promised to help others do the same.
To tell you the honest truth, ANYONE can get unstuck—and not only that, but anyone can STAY unstuck, too.
What’s keeping you stuck doesn’t necessarily have to tie into your body image. It can be anything that is habitually stopping you or keeping you from a life you’ve only ever dreamed of. The disconnect is that most people don’t realize that it’s about more than just knowing what you want. It’s truly about knowing WHY you want it—that part is a nonstarter. Then, once you know why you want it, you begin to figure out your “big motivating factor.”
Finding your “big MOFA”
If you’re wondering, “WTF is a big MOFA?”, we’ll get to that.
First, I want to reiterate one thing super quick: just because I sit here stressing that your worth is measured by SO MUCH MORE, doesn’t mean wanting to feel good about your appearance is inherently bad. It’s okay if you want to lose weight (or gain weight or get plastic surgery or dye your hair blue—I really don’t care), but it’s only going to stick if you know WHY you want it all. In other words, what will having all that do for you?
One of the ways I help my clients figure out their “why”, is I ask them, “if you could wave a magic wand, get covered in fucking glittery fairy dust and get everything you want in the next 90 days, what would that be?” Some of the answers I get are, “I want a boyfriend” or “I want to nail my dream job.” This is just the tip of the iceberg. To find your why, you have to go way deeper, and what you want has to be rooted in YOU.
Let’s take the boyfriend as an example. Next, I’d ask her what finding a boyfriend would do for her. Her answer might be that she hates being alone because it feels dark. Then, when I dig deeper, it becomes more about feeling a sense of belonging or companionship. BUT, if we dig even further than that, we discover at the most fundamental level, that she truly just wants to feel like she’s enough.
And that’s what I call the BIG MOFA: the big motivating factor. Sure, having a boyfriend is fun, but it’s not going to motivate you for the next 90 days and beyond. It’s not really about the boy, or having someone to hang out with on the weekends. It never is. It’s about YOU.
YOU are the only person who can get yourself unstuck because only you can truly understand not only your “what”, but also your “why,” then act on it. Finding your Big MOFA will help get you there, but it’s just one step in your journey. So how do you actually GET unstuck, let alone stay there? We’ll cover more in Part II.